Burnley’s annual goal music debate is set to get underway. Jamie Smith has some suggestions.
Some people like goal music. Some people don’t like goal music.
The Club’s official annual poll aimed to settle the argument once and for all – but the results were disappointingly inconclusive. The Club claimed victory for music with a 44 per cent ’majority’ - but that still means 56 per cent either didn’t want it or had no view either way.
So that debate will continue – but I’ve got a few ideas that could solve the problem straight away. You’re all welcome.
First up – a goal music section of the ground. Sound daft? Dafter than singing sections? Nah. Stick all the goal music fans in one stand and then we can see if they’re celebrating more than the non-goal music fans. Obviously, the music only gets played over the PA into that stand. That should be feasible. It’s 2012, after all.
Second choice – headphones for goal music fans. Fans at cricket, snooker and other sports listen to commentary during the game. The club could supply goal music fans with some headphones to pump music into their ears when we score. Again, everyone’s a winner as non-goal music fans don’t have to hear it. When the game is a bit dull, for instance if there hasn’t been a shot for five seconds, the Club could pipe in a clown’s laughter to keep everyone entertained.
Third option – don’t let people who like goal music in the ground. Send them to a funfair instead. This is a winner, I reckon.
Number four – come up with something unique to the club for goal music. If we’re going to do it, let’s not copy other clubs and let’s come up with something we can be proud of. Well, perhaps not proud, but maybe less ashamed. This should be an absolute no-brainer if it has to be a yes for goal music.
Last one, adopt John Cage’s classic work 4″33 as our goal music. I reckon that’d be perfect for goal celebrations.
These are just off the top of my head in half an hour, a starting point for the debate. If we start next season playing Tom Bastard Hark when we score, I’m going to kill a kitten.
Got a better idea? Like one of ours? Comment on the right.